Sociopathic Contemplations

New Blog

2006-11-25T20:06:00.000Z

I've decided to finally come up with a new blog. It greatly differes from this one but what it lacks in madness in made up for in -I can't think of great word to put here-. I hope you enjoy it's called The Best Words in the Best Order. It's especially good for anyone that likes poetry or hear words placed together well. Enjoy.

SOLD! See the Enterprise-D Go to the Highest Bidder!

2006-10-12T20:21:00.000Z

To conclude my Star Trek auction descriptions.

The Christie's "40 Years of Star Trek: The Collection" auction, spanning three days last weekend (October 5-7), was momentous in many ways. But the highlight, both in price and drama, was the sale of a famous shooting model from Star Trek: The Next Generation.
This moment in Star Trek history, captured live on camera for posterity, was the auctioning of Lot 712 ... the U.S.S. Enterprise NCC-1701-D. Final bid ... $500,000! Selling for 20 times the pre-sale estimate (not counting taxes and fees), this was one of the most photographed models in all of Star Trek's long history. It isn't small either (78 x 59 x 14 in.) — the buyer will need either a large house or a museum of some sort to display it. It all depends on who purchased it, of course (information we don't have). Maybe one day fans will have the opportunity to see this impressive ship.
If you were not there in person or did not watch the auction live on History.com, we have for you the next best thing: exclusive video footage! Experience the drama as the bidding unfolds, the prices spiral ever upward ... the pregnant pauses, the oohs, the aahs ... and the final cheer once bidding closes. To witness this event and to view the auction list click here ****, and no I did not just copy and paste that article.

Live long and prosper

Christie's Star Trek Auction

2006-10-08T17:51:00.000Z

Star Trek items beating sale hopes
A massive sale of Star Trek memorabilia has already made more than double what experts had hoped for - just half way through the three-day extravaganza.

The auction of more than 1,000 original items, including costumes, props and furniture, had raised 2.3 million dollars (£1.2 million) by lunchtime on its second day.

The top bid so far was for the main miniature Starship Voyager used in filming, which went for 132,000 dollars - more than 13 times its low estimate.

Up to 400 eager bidders, some sporting Vulcan ears, packed the salesroom at Christie's in New York at peak times.

Hundreds of bids - many more than usual - had also been made via the internet.

The vacuum-formed plastic and cast resin Starship Voyager model, which measures 61in by 24in, had only been expected to go for between 10,000 and 15,000 dollars.

The original estimate for the whole sale was just a million dollars.

It will end at around 8pm on Saturday in New York - the early hours of Sunday morning in the UK.

The lots come from the archive of CBS Paramount Tevelision and are being sold in celebration of the cult show's 40th anniversary.
Conceived by Gene Roddenberry in the mid 1960s, Star Trek has led to six television series - including a cartoon series - and 10 films, as well as novels, computer games, international conventions and a loyal following among millions of fans.

Live Long and Prosper

Took Some Tests Today

2006-10-06T21:23:00.000Z

Boredom got the best of me so I took some intersting tests

Results:

-The Trekkie Test

Trekkiness: 141
This means you're: Commander

You know Trek, and you love it. You may not dress up in uniform every day, but you're dedicated to your series, or two, and happy with being entertained by it.

Of the 1655 unique test takers...
For: Trekkiness
8% scored higher, and 92% scored lower.
The average Raw Score is: 97.2, your's was: 141

-The Craziness Test

A: 8
This means you're: great

Really great, youre not really crazy at all

Of the 602 unique test takers...
For: A
79% scored higher, and 17% scored lower.
The average Raw Score is: 18.8, your's was: 8.

-The is your life boring Test

This means you're: a little boring

You spend a little more time bored than you do having fun but you could be worse. so go on....get out there and have some fun!!!

For: your average score (the lower the better (the less borin you are))
17% scored higher, and 78% scored lower.
The average Raw Score is: 60.8, your's was: 70.

-The Nerd Test

Nerd points: 62%
This means you're: semi-nerd

You got quite a bit of nerd in you you may want to get that checked out

Of the 98 unique test takers...
For: nerd points
65% scored higher, and 35% scored lower.
The average Raw Score is: 33.9, your's was: 31.

_________________________________________________________

Hmmm, how enlightening.

Well, I think have some hot chocolate and watch Star Trek no

Au Revoir (I think that's how you spell it)

Judging a Reader by it's Book

2006-08-28T20:26:00.000Z

Something else I stumbled upon.

It may be impossible to judge a book by its cover, but a survey suggests people believe you can judge a reader by his book.

The majority of the British public - 57% - believe they can determine someone's personality by their choice of reading matter, while 42% think that a person's intelligence can be gauged in the same way.

Professor Pam Mara, a psychologist who worked on the survey, said: "How we think others see us and how we see ourselves affects all of our behaviour; book choice is one cue to others and ourselves."

A spokesman for booksellers Borders, which commissioned the survey of more than 2,000 adults, added: "With people evaluating your intelligence, background, politics and even how likeable you are by your selected reading, choosing the right book could be the key to projecting aspects of your personality."

This advice may have been heeded by George Bush who last week revealed his choice of summer reading: Camus's intellectual classic The Stranger. "He found it an interesting book and a quick read," said a White House spokesman. "We discussed the origins of existentialism."
Borders' "rough guide", which summarises what characteristics can be gleaned from a person's choice of book, marks Mr Bush as a reader of "literary fiction". This means he is likely to be "a well-educated person who reads The Independent or Guardian and tunes in to Channel 4 or BBC 2 to satisfy more leftfield interests".

Ian McEwan on the July 7th Bombings

2006-08-28T20:23:00.000Z

I just stumbled upto this a few moments ago, it over a year old but I found it quite interesting.

The mood of a city has never swung so sharply. On Wednesday there was no better place on earth. After the victory in Singapore, Londoners were celebrating the prospect of an explosion of new energy and creativity; those computer-generated images of futuristic wonderlands rising out of derelict quarters and poisoned industrial wastelands were actually going to be built. The echoes of rock 'n' roll in Hyde Park and its wave of warm and fundamentally decent emotions were only just fading. In Gleneagles, the summit was about to address at least - and at last - the core of the world's concerns, and we could take some satisfaction that our government had pushed the agenda. London was flying high and we moved confidently about the city - the paranoia after 9/11 and Madrid was mostly forgotten and no one had second thoughts about taking the tube. The "war on terror", that much examined trope, was an exhausted rallying cry, with all the appearance of a moth-eaten regimental banner in a village church.

But terror's war on us opened another front on Thursday morning. It announced itself with a howl of sirens from every quarter, and the oppressive drone of police helicopters. Along the Euston Road, by the new UCH - a green building rising above us like a giant surgeon in scrubs - thousands of people stood around watching ambulances filing nose to tail through the stalled traffic into the casualty department.
Police were fanning out through Bloomsbury closing streets at both ends even as you were halfway down them. The machinery of state, a great Leviathan, certain of its authority, moved with balletic coordination. Those rehearsals for a multiple terrorist attack underground were paying off. In fact, now the disaster was upon us, it had an air of weary inevitability, and it looked familiar, as though it had happened long ago. In the drizzle and dim light, the police lines, the emergency vehicles, the silent passers by appeared as though in an old newsreel film in black and white. The news of the successful Olympic bid was more surprising than this. How could we have forgotten that this was always going to happen?
The mood on the streets was of numb acceptance, or strange calm. People obediently shuffled this way and that, directed round road blocks by a whole new citizens' army of "support" officials - like air raid wardens from the last war. A man in a suit pulled a Day-Glo jacket out of his briefcase and began directing traffic with snappy expertise. A woman, with blood covering her face and neck, who had come from Russell Square tube station, briskly refused offers of help and said she had to get to work. Groups gathered impassively in the road, among the gridlocked traffic, listening through open windows to car radios.
On a pub TV the breaking news services were having trouble finding the images to match the awfulness of the event. But this was not, or not yet, a public spectacle like New York or Madrid. The nightmare was happening far below our feet. Everyone knew that if the force that mangled the bus in Tavistock Square was contained within the walls of a tunnel, the human cost would be high, and the rescue appallingly difficult. Down the far end of a closed-off street we saw emergency workers being helped into breathing equipment. We could only guess at the hell to which they must descend, and no one seemed to want to talk about it.
In Auden's famous poem, Musee des Beaux Arts, the tragedy of Icarus falling from the sky is accompanied by life simply refusing to be disrupted. A ploughman goes about his work, a ship "sailed calmly on", dogs keep on with "their doggy business". In London yesterday, where crowds fumbling with mobile phones tried to find unimpeded ways across the city, there was much evidence of the truth of Auden's insight. While rescue workers searched for survivors and the dead in the smoke-filled blackness below, at pavement level men were loading lorries, a woman sold umbrellas in her usual patch, the lunchtime sandwich makers were hard at work.
It is unlikely that London will claim to have been transformed in an instant, to have lost its innocence in the course of a morning. It is hard to knock a huge city like this off its course. It has survived many attacks in the past. But once we have counted up our dead, and the numbness turns to anger and grief, we will see that our lives here will be difficult. We have been savagely woken from a pleasant dream. The city will not recover Wednesday's confidence and joy in a very long time. Who will want to travel on the tube, once it has been cleared? How will we sit at our ease in a restaurant, cinema or theatre? And we will face again that deal we must constantly make and remake with the state - how much power must we grant Leviathan, how much freedom will we be asked to trade for our security?

The Genius of Ralph Wiggum

2006-01-20T22:35:00.000Z

I thought I'd dedicate a post to one of the greatest minds of our time, Mr Ralph Wiggum.

Ralph Wiggum Quotes

Me fail English? That's unpossible.
Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!
Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me.
Eww, Daddy, this tastes like Gramma!
I bent my wookie.
The doctor said I wouldn't have so many nose bleeds if I kept my finger outta there
Ralph: "Daddy, I'm scared. Too scared to even wet my pants."Chief Wiggum: "Just relax and it'll come, son."
I heard your dad went into a restaurant and ate everything in the restaurant and they had to close the restaurant
And, when the doctor said I didn't have worms any more, that was the happiest day of my life
I found a moonrock in my nose!
That's where I saw the Leprchaun. He tells me to burn things!

Sociopathic Facts Part Three

2005-04-04T19:53:00.000Z

The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
Did you know you share your birthday with at least 9 other million people in the world?
On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
The longest word in the English language is 1909 letters long and it refers to a distinct part of DNA.
Americans on the average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.
Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.
You are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by a poisonous spider.

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
Cat's urine glows under a black light.
Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan."
If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, dogs only have about ten.
In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
If Barbie were life-size her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall and have a neck twice the length of a normal human's neck.
A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
Polar bears are left-handed.
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds, that makes the catfish rank #1 for animal having the most taste buds.
The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.
The first novel ever written on a typewriter was Tom Sawyer.
Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.
Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants.

More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes.
The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.
TYPEWRITER, is the longest word that can be made using the letters on only one row of the keyboard.
If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

Sociopathic Facts Part Deux

2005-04-04T19:50:00.000Z

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from and old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
Marilyn Monroe had six toes on one foot.
If you keep a Goldfish in the dark room, it will eventually turn white.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left handed people do.
The average chocolate bar has 8 insects' legs in it.
The average human swollows 8 spiders in their lifetime at night while they sleep.
A rhinoceros horn is made of compacted hair.
It is impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.
The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."
On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament Building is an American flag.
All of the clocks in the movie Pulp Fiction are stuck on 4:20.
No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver or purple.
"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.
Almonds are members of the peach family.
Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
The youngest pope was 11 years old.
The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.
A snail can sleep for 3 years.
American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.
China has more people who speak English than the United States.
The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.
A polar bear's skin is black. Its fur is not white, but actually clear.

Conspiracy Theories

2004-12-26T15:30:00.000Z

There are many conspiracy theories that make sense and that people should believe because they are probably true. However I don't know what these people were smoking when they came up with these theories. Not even the most sociopathic of us should believe them, for your own sake.
Tupac Shakur recorded the album under the name Makaveli... Machiavelli was an Italian war strategist who advocated faking one's death to fool their enemies. 2Pac studied Machiavelli's writings while in jail.
The album cover depicts Tupac crucified on a cross like Jesus Christ. We all know what happened after the crucifixion… there was a resurrection.
Instead of Suge Knight, the executive producer on the album is listed as "Simon." Simon was the apostle who helped Jesus carry the cross and one of the first to witness his resurrection. Some people say Suge Knight (CEO of Death Row records and Executive Producer of All Eyez On Me) is Simon.
There are many instances of the number seven:
Tupac was shot on September 7th.
After the shooting, 2Pac survived for seven days.
Tupac's vehicle was shot 12 times; 5 of those bullets hit 2Pac. That leaves seven bullets.
Tupac's recorded time of death, 4:03, adds up to 7 (4 + 0 + 3).
A voice on the album says, "And if the Lord returns in the coming seven days, then we'll see ya next time."
Tupac's first release on Suge Knight's Death Row label, All Eyez On Me, was released on February 13, 1996 - exactly seven months before his death.
It’s in the album’s title. Many believe that the meaning behind the "seven day theory" (part of the album's title) is Tupac will return September 2003… seven years after his death.

One site says that they believe that there is a reptilian alien speciese that certain famous figures belong to.
A list of other people Arizona Wilder says that she has seen shapeshift into Reptiles at these rituals;USA: Bush and 2 sons, Albright, Kissinger, Reagan and nancy, J Rockefeller, Ford, Carter and LB Johnson. EUROPE: Queen Mum, Queen Liz II, Princess margaret, Charles, Tony Blair, and prince Philip, Zacharia Sitchin, Lawrence Gardiner.The big International and Interstellar leader she says is a chap called the Marquis de Libero - aka Pindar [phallus of the Dragon] who provides superior seed to impregnate the specially bred Aryan and Bloodline Children with - including - Princess Diana - who brought forth Prince William - Pindars son.In the underground vaults of his castle in the Alsace Region of France, green glowing flourescent rocks turn stored menstrual blood black to be used at that special ritual - whilst in the great heat, clutches of Reptile Eggs incubate.The Queen Mother is second to Pindar/Libero and she is carried on a rich ornate chair before she changes into something much bigger and stronger. At the ceremonies, volumous robes of red or purple richly decorated with gold, sewn jewels, and embroidered fleur de Lys are worn, not any human clothes for these would tear during the shift.All the British House apparently have jewel encrusted goblets to drink the blood from the symbolic female 'grail' and a symbolic dagger to give it a bit of a stir. Arizona Wilder then went on to describe the appearance of the British Royal family when they have underwent the shape shift.The Queen mum is 8 feet tall, with a snout, and fangs. All have a long tongue with hair-like protrusions - with claws for hands and feet. They have scales and these seem to disappear into one another, this, more pronounced on the back. Some have vestigial wings, all have a tail usually kept curled which is whipped about when agitated.The Queen Mum has a beige belly and more darkly speckled and mottled brown from the head and spine. The body has protrusions running down the spine. The eyes are large and round, protruding, varying in clour from beige to yellow to yellow green - with a black vertical slit for a pupil - the eyes can be hooded. Charles apprently has two large protrusions just above where his human ears are.The Queen [Liz II] is much darker, all over much more homogenous in marking, where the colours gradually and smoothly change to the head, tail and back.Arizona Wilder says that the princess Diana death was a ritual public sacrifice to usher in the Age of Horus [Egyptian magical tradition - rebirth of the dead god Osiris]. Because the magicians like to mirror dates, the dark goddess Hecates number is 13, which was why the 31st august was chosen.
How they came up with these theories are beyond me. Did you hear the one about Hitler being cloned.

Political Correctness

2004-12-26T15:07:00.000Z

People apparently need to be corrected on everything, in this case people need to be particularly careful when talking to or about women-Why? I don't know who wrote this, I doubt it was a woman.

She does not GAIN WEIGHT - She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER.
She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.
She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
She is not TOO SKINNY - She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT.
She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE - She is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE.
She does not HATE TELEVISED SPORTS - She is ATHLETICALLY IGNORANT.
She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME - She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE.
She does not GO SHOPPING - She is MALL FLUENT.
She is not an AIR HEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
She does not get FAT or CHUBBY - She achieves MAXIMUM DENSITY.
She is not COLD or FRIGID - She is THERMALLY INACCESSIBLE.
She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP - She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION.
She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE

Articles of Hilarity Part II

2004-12-22T19:51:00.000Z

This is a second installment of hilarious newspaper columns I found. Have fun reading these ones.

Vicious squirrel terrorises town
A SMALL TOWN terrorised by a vicious squirrel was resting easy today after the pest was shot by a vengeful grandfather.
This squirrel had been terrorising people around here for weeks
The people of Knutsford, Cheshire, were living in fear following numerous unprovoked attacks by the grey squirrel.
Its victims included a man who was attacked as he mowed the lawn and a woman who was bitten on the ankle as she walked along the street.
But the final straw came when the animal attacked two-year-old Kelsi Morley as she took a morning stroll with her mother.
The girl stopped to admire the squirrel before it pounced on her face and sank its teeth into her forehead.
Kelsi's mother, Karen Morley, had to pin the girl to the floor and pull the animal off her face. The youngster was left bleeding heavily from a deep gash.
Kelsi's grandfather Geoff Horth was so incensed by the attack that he hunted down the animal to a nearby copse and shot it dead with an air rifle.
Mr Horth's wife said: 'This squirrel had been terrorising people around here for weeks. After the attack on Kelsi, my daughter phoned the environmental health and the RSPCA but they didn't want to know.
'When Geoff saw what had happened, he just wanted to put a stop to it. He said if it had bitten a child's face this time, what would it do next? He didn't want any more children getting hurt.
'He went out on the evening and couldn't find it but he got it the next morning.
'He is sometimes asked by farmers around here to go out and shoot vermin on the estates so he knows what he is doing and he is quite a good shot.'
It is thought the animal, which had a distinctive bald patch on its tail, may have been taken in as a pet and lost its fear of people before becoming aggressive and escaping.

Fat hamster cheats death
A PET HAMSTER was sucked up by a vacuum cleaner but avoided being pulled into the machine - because he was so fat.
Just inches from death, nine-month-old Rusher got wedged in the cleaner's nozzle, as Amanda Horniman was cleaning her six-year-old son Jack's room.
Husband Nick, a vet, pulled Rusher out of the nozzle, describing him as 'a little bit fazed, but all right'.
'If he had been a thin hamster, things would have been a lot worse,' said Mrs Horniman, of Tibberton, Gloucestershire.

Desktop punch-up STRESSED? WHY NOT let it all out by hitting your computer - plenty of us do, it seems.
A few unplugged their machines and hurled them down stairs
A survey has found one in four office workers vent their anger and frustration by battering their PC.
The favoured abuse is a strong slap on the side of the monitor. Others said they threw pens, notepads and rulers at it - some even smashed the screen with a single punch.
A few, having a really bad day, unplugged their machines and hurled them down stairs and fire escapes, a study by IT firm Novatech found.

Burglar stopped to cook fish A HUNGRY DUTCH burglar was caught frying a fish on the job after the smell of his cooking woke up the man whose house he was burgling.
It doesn't happen very often that a burglar's only motive is food
'The man was casually frying up a fish. The householder who was asleep in the attic was woken up by the smell. When she went to investigate she found the man standing at the oven,' Marieke Schoneveld, a police spokesman, said.
The 45-year-old intruder, who had also smoked a cigarette, told police he liked fish and had taken a cold beer from the fridge to go with his meal. He had loaded up his bag with other drinks, but had not stolen anything else.
'It doesn't happen very often that a burglar's only motive is food,' Ms Schoneveld said.

Ha Ha Ha-It's hilarious how people can act, even when it can result in a jail sentence. When will they learn?

Four Easy Questions

2004-12-21T19:05:00.000Z

From certain pieces of evidence many have come to the conclusion that mental illness in caused by intelligence. The smarter you are the larger you risk or insanity. Knowledge can drive you crazy.

Here are some "Simple" questions I obtained from a fellow sociopathic site. They are meant to test if you can be a professional, but technically they test your smarts too. The more you get right, the further along that road to madness you are. The less you get right, the more you'll have to travel. Have fun!

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
-Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
-Did you say, "Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?" (Wrong Answer)
-Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
-The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory. OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.

4. There is a river you must cross but it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?
-You swim across. All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.

According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong. But many preschoolers got several correct answers.

Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four year old.

If you want to test your insanity click on this link.

http://www.goyk.com/flash.asp?path=160

Sociopathic Facts From a Fellow Sociopathic Site

2004-12-21T13:59:00.000Z

These Facts contain some necessary but mainly unecessry information that will make you question so much. Enjoy!

American car horns beep in the tone of F.

The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.

Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray
blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.

Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.

Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.

A Boeing 747's wingspan is longer than the Wright brothers' first flight.

The albatross drinks sea water. It has a special
desalinization apparatus that strains out and excretes all excess salt.

In Clarendon, Texas, there is reportedly a law on the books that lawyers must accept eggs, chickens, or other produce, as well as money, as payment of legal fees.

Cats purr at 26 cycles per second, the same as an idling diesel engine.

A dragonfly flaps its wings 20 to 40 times a second, bees and houseflies 200 times, some mosquitoes 600 times, and a tiny gnat 1,000 times.

Adolf Hitler's mother seriously considered having an abortion
but was talked out of it by her doctor.

Marilyn Monroe had six toes.

The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.

A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why

The first owner of the Marlboro company died of lung cancer.

Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.

Betsy Ross is the only real person
to ever have been the head on a Pez dispenser.

The citrus soda 7-UP was created in 1929;
"7" was selected because the original containers were 7 ounces.
"UP" indicated the direction of the bubbles.

The combination "ough" can be pronounced in nine different ways.
The following sentence contains them all:
"A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed."

Facetious and abstemious contain all the vowels in the correct order, as does arsenious, meaning "containing arsenic."

The United States has never lost a war in which mules were used.

Blueberry Jelly Bellies were created especially for Ronald Reagan.

All porcupines float in water.

Cat's urine glows under a black light.

No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.

1 in every 4 Americans has appeared on television.

Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older.

Non-dairy creamer is flammable.

When opossums are playing 'possum', they are not "playing."
They actually pass out from sheer terror

A group of unicorns is called a blessing.
Twelve or more cows are known as a "flink."
A group of frogs is called an army.
A group of rhinos is called a crash.
A group of kangaroos is called a mob
A group of whales is called a pod.
A group of ravens is called a murder.
A group of officers is called a mess.
A group of larks is called an exaltation.
A group of owls is called a parliament.

Ivory bar soap floating was a mistake. They had been overmixing the soap formula causing excess air bubbles that made it float. Customers wrote and told how much they loved that it floated, and it has floated ever since. [It floats in gasoline, too.]

If you could count the number of times a cricket chirps in one minute, divide by 2, add 9 and divide by 2 again, you would have the correct temperature in Celsius degrees

During the Civil War, Robert E. Lee was offered command of the Union Army before he accepted his post with the Confederacy.

Margaret Higgins Sanger, the birth-control pioneer, was one of eleven children.

There are more than 15,000 different varieties of rice.

When a man died in ancient Egypt, the females in his family would smear their heads and faces with mud and wander through the city beating themselves and tearing off their clothes.

Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks
or it will digest itself.

Articles of Hilarity Part I

2004-12-10T23:08:00.000Z

There are so many hilarious things that people put in newspapers nowadays that a times it's just a comedy shack on paper. There was a large magnitude of comedic stories in todays paper alone; not to mention the website.

Illegal insect fighting
MORE THAN 100 people have been arrested for illegally betting on insect fights.
Five of the suspects were connected to the triads
Undercover officers raided a social club where crickets were being matched against one another. More than £600 in cash was recovered.

Who said birds don't get drunk?
GERMAN POLICE HAVE apprehended a vicious crow which was attacking passers-by by getting it drunk on bait laced with alcohol, authorities say.
The crow was completely smashed
The bird eluded its captors after attacking a woman and a young girl at the weekend until cat food soaked in high-alcohol fruit schnapps proved too tempting to resist.
'The crow was completely smashed,' said a spokesman for police in the western city of Dortmund. Police said the crow was sleeping off its hangover in a local animal home.

Veggie theft
POLICE ARE INVESTIGATING the unlikeliest of burglaries, during which two men broke into a prison and stole a sackful of cabbages.
They scaled the outer walls of the jail and attacked a guard who disturbed them, before grabbing 40kg of vegetables and fleeing.
They were apprehended a short while later and now face trial for assault.
Court officials said that, if convicted, the men are likely to be sent to the same prison in Arad, Romania.

Fat actor was alleged to be murder weapon
A FAT GERMAN actor accused of squashing his accountant to death burst into tears when he was jailed for 15 years by a Munich court.
It looks like a case of cold blubbered murder
Guenther Kaufmann, who weighs in at nearly 19 stone, was both exhibit A - the murder weapon - and the accused in the proceedings at a court in Munich. It was the first time in German legal history that a person has been charged with using their fat to murder someone.
The case was originally adjourned in July for police to investigate further leads. But after no new material was discovered the case was restarted ending with the call for the life sentence.
Kaufmann, whose defence that was that the death was an accident, was found not guilty of murder but guilty of attempted grievous robbery and blackmail with fatal consequences.
He had earlier claimed: 'I simply fell on him - I didn't mean to kill him.' One local newspaper said in an irresistible pun: 'It looks like a case of cold blubbered murder'.
According to the 55-year-old actor, a big name in German theatre who also had TV roles in productions like superstar German director Rainer Werner Fassbinder's classic 'The Marriage of Maria Braun'. He said he accidentally fell on his friend during a fight over loans he had not repaid.
"All of a sudden he was no longer moving," sobbed a tearful Kaufmann. A post-mortem on the 60-year-old tax adviser showed he suffocated to death. The prosecution alleges Kaufmann pressed the tax advisor's face into the carpet while lying on top of him and waited until he could no longer breathe. Medical experts said this would have taken around five minutes.

What your laugh says about you
ARE YOU A snorter, a sniggerer or a cackler? Or perhaps you're more of a belly-buster or a chuckler?
Cacklers - given to loud, ape-like shrieks - are often rejoicing in others' misfortune
You had better hope to be the latter, because how you laugh can reveal the darker side of your personality.
A snorter is a snob expressing their disapproval, while a sniggerer is insensitive, unsympathetic and immature.
Cacklers - given to loud, ape-like shrieks - are often rejoicing in others' misfortune.
Chucklers, on the other hand, are kind, thoughtful people, while the belly-buster is open and trustworthy.
But whatever you do, steer clear of the howler streaming tears and flailing limbs suggest a dangerous neurological condition, according to researchers for comedy channel UKTV.

With these comedic columns the newspapers are alot more fun to read.
Did you ever hear the one about the Italian nun on the run after a hit and run.
Or the man placed in hospital after a pig was thrown out a window at him.